Shoplifting

Last Friday (a week ago today) we drove in to town for a month-long stint in our summer home at the University on the hill. Jme is taking a two-week art class at the University. Coincidentally, we have some other friends with a teenaged daughter who is taking the same art class along with a couple of her friends. They are all staying with us for the two week duration of the class, and so we have a full house: Wifey and I, the boys, Jme, Ms. GM and her daughter, and two other teenaged girls. It has been maybe a little awkward integrating such a diverse group, but for the most part everyone has been fine with each other, and we’re glad to have Jme spending time with some different and positive kids her own age.

On Sunday, Jme and the other girls wanted to go shopping at Wal-Mart. Of course we didn’t think a thing about it because she was going with Ms. GM and her girls. But apparently during that trip, Jme was shoplifting cosmetics and even offered to pick up some items for the other girls.

That afternoon, Jme called up one of her other friends in town and asked to go out for the evening. Wifey said no, that it was late and that her class started at eight the next morning. Jme stormed up to her room and cried for most of the evening. At that time, we couldn’t understand why. Wifey went up and talked to her, but Jme wouldn’t say anything. All the next day she was distant from all of us and walked around in a cloud of self-isolated grumble. As Wifey puzzled aloud about what was going on, Ms. GM finally shared what her girls said had happened.

After we found out, we discussed how best to address the situation. We recognized that this was no grey issue; it wasn’t like using profanity when we preferred she didn’t, or questionable clothing choices. We really wanted to confront her immediately and deal with it openly. At the same time, however, we didn’t want her to think that the girls she was with were simply tattletales who could not be trusted. We wanted to foster Jme’s budding relationship with those girls. So we watched and waited for an opportunity to address this with her.

On Wednesday morning, Jme left all of her newly acquired cosmetics laid out nicely on the edge of her bed before she went to class. It was as if she wanted to be caught. And it was all the opportunity we needed to confront her. Wifey and I talked it over extensively and planned our response. After her class, we sat down with her and expressed how seriously we took the situation and how disappointed we were with what she had done. We explained that she had broken the law, broken our trust, and broken her privileges and future freedoms. We also explained that this brokenness could be repaired and rebuilt over time. We told her that we’d all return to Wal Mart, pay for the merchandise out of her allowance, face whatever consequences Wal Mart mandated, and that she wouldn’t be allowed to go out on her own or with her friends any time soon. Our time at Wal Mart went really well. We talked to the store manager who treated the whole situation pretty seriously, and in the end Jme and Wifey were hugging and in tears. Jme had been saving her allowance for a pet tortoise and would have had enough to get it by today. This has set her back a few weeks, which was another good consequence. As soon as it was over, Jme’s four-day bad mood fog finally lifted, and she was very upbeat. She was talkative and personable, and has seemed to be in a great mood ever since.

Looking back on the whole situation, we feel pretty strongly that Jme began this shoplifting spree with the intention of getting caught. Maybe she wanted to get kicked out. Maybe she wanted to precipitate the rejection that she believed was inevitably coming. But much like the approach that Wifey and I have taken with our marriage, we aren’t even considering “giving her back” or in any way changing our minds. Which is what we have explained to her. These are not options that we could or would ever exercise in the future. Hopefully she understands that a little more now, but we’d be naïve to think that other problems and similar occurrences are not in our future. But for now, everyone feels good. We feel like we’ve overcome a parenting hurdle, and she’s been in a good mood for a remarkable three days now! This week has been a great picture of the self destructive nature of our sin that isolates us from God and the way that isolation and broken relationship can be overcome and can be made even stronger through Christ.