Dilemma

Last summer, Jme and her dad left the midwestern state they had been living in for a number of years to return to this part of the country. We don’t know why. Their first stop was a small community about 15 hours south of here. The plan was to settle there, and so that is where they left the bulk of their belongings. Then they came to this community for what was meant to be a visit of a couple of weeks. That two weeks devolved into this whole past year. Consequently, Jme doesn’t have much in the way of personal effects. It is still all down in that small community that was their original destination.

Since she’s been with us, we have talked about driving her down there to see her dad and to collect her things to bring back with us. We had tentatively planned to do that this coming week. She has had mixed feeling about doing this, but we think she’s also been getting excited.

During the two phone conversations Wifey and I have had with her dad, he has stated his intention to regain custody of her. As I’ve written before, we actively support the restoration of this family, but not until certain safeguards are in place. But based on those conversations, I’ve been thinking a lot about this upcoming trip and running through all of the possible scenarios. What I don’t want to happen is for me to deliver her all the way down there and then have her dad try to keep her there. That would be such a bad situation. Of course I wouldn’t just let that happen. But I wouldn’t want to put Jme in the position of having to chose between him and me. And while I’ve already thought about how much force I’m prepared to use while in my own home, I don’t know what level of force I’d be prepared to use standing in someone else’s home.

Today, Jme called her dad to see if this would be a good week to come down and get her things. The phone call started well but ended with Jme in tears. Hours later, Jme confided in Wifey some of the dilemma Jme was facing. She said that her dad said that if she comes down there, he wants her to stay. [Ding, ding. Bell goes off in my head: Trip cancelled; we’re not going anytime soon.] Jme feels like she has to choose whether or not to return to her dad. She loves and misses him, but also recognizes that his life is not in order right now. She thinks maybe she should spend the summers with him and stay with us during the school year, or maybe move back in with him when she turns sixteen. She has said that she doesn’t think being with us is a permanent situation; that it can’t be. We’ve assured her that we’d love to have her with us from now on. She says she has to return to her dad because he needs her. But she is also afraid of the conditions that have previously existed. She is happy and comfortable here, and so she is torn. Fortunately, she is reaching out to Wifey for some advice and direction. We pray that we can give the wise counsel she needs.