The Consequences Talk

1. You lied to us. You said you were spending the night at [your friend’s] when you had no plans to do so. You called and texted to let us know you were safely in for the night when you weren’t. You called from [the village] to “let us know your plans” when everything you were saying was a lie.

2. Because you have done this we cannot trust you to spend the night anywhere because we can’t trust that you will be where you say you will be. Calling or texting to check in will no longer work because you have shown us that you have used the cell phone to lie to us. How can we believe your updates?

3. You placed yourself in danger. You drove on a difficult and dangerous road in the wintertime without emergency equipment, and without letting us know when you were leaving or arriving so that we could come look for you if something bad happened on the road.

4. You placed yourself in danger by being in a situation where people were drinking, partying, and not being responsible for themselves or for you. It is in exactly this kind of situation where bad things happen fast. Maybe you were drinking and partying along with everyone else, or maybe you weren’t. Either way, the result is the same. You were not being responsible for your personal safety.

5. We are glad that nothing bad did happen to you, but as a result of taking these kinds of risks, something bad could have happened, and if you continue to take these kinds of risks, something bad eventually will happen. Also, we recognize more now that you are not yet responsible enough to look out for your personal safety. As we continue to be responsible for your safety for you, your freedom will be limited in ways that you will not like.

6. You broke the law. Your driver’s license does not allow you to drive with passengers under 21. This law exists to protect you, your passengers, and other drivers. Because you have broken this law, you will not get the full regular license when you turn 17, but you will keep the provisional license for another six months.

7. You drove from [the village] with beer in your car. Maybe it was yours, maybe it wasn’t. The result is the same. If you had been stopped by a police officer, you would have been ticketed or arrested. Having a passenger passed out and stinking of alcohol wouldn’t help your case any.

8. Driving with four gas cans in your backseat was a foolish thing to do. Breathing the fumes is harmful to you and your passengers, and could impair you as the driver. The fumes could ignite causing a fire. Being in the trunk or the backseat does not change this. And now you have gas spilled all over the back seat and back floorboard. The whole car stinks of gas, and this shows that you are not taking proper care of your car.

9. You manipulated us. You were grounded on Sunday because of your English grades. When this threatened your plan (and we know you’ve been planning this for a while) you got all teary and said all the things you knew we wanted to hear. You did this so that we would soften your grounding and let you spend the night at [your friend’s]. Your actions totally cancel out everything you said to us. We realize now that you were lying even then. This is an ugly, ugly thing to do.

10. You broke our trust. Quite simply, how can we believe anything you say? How can we trust you will do anything you say you will do? We can’t. Trust is built slowly over time and torn down in a moment. If you ever want us to trust you again, you have to slowly show us that we can trust you in one small way at a time.

11. You have lost the freedom to use the telephone. You can earn this back by being cooperative and having a good attitude around the house.

12. You have lost the freedom to be on the internet. You can earn this back after you have earned back the phone and continue to be polite, upbeat, and positive around the house.

13. You have lost the freedom to hang out with your friends unsupervised. In time, we will work to make sure that you have opportunities to spend time with your friends, but this will have to be earned back.

14. You have lost the freedom to drive your car. You will ride the bus to school in the morning and walk to [my] office after school is over. You can work on homework there until 4:30 when [I] will bring you home.

15. How long all of this lasts will depend on you. If you are cooperative, polite to us, continue to do well in school, and stay upbeat (that means act like you are in a good mood, even if you don’t feel it), then you will earn these things back faster.